Full-time Job or Full-time Mom?

I love my time with my son

 I was just speaking to a very good mom friend of mine, who used to be in an 8+-hour job for 20 years. She said that when she traded off her career to become a full-time mom for her 2 kids she felt more accomplished than ever before.

Coming from someone who held a very good career in a well-known company in the world, a salary that is more than enough to support the family, and several other good career offers she was given even if she decided to resign from work - that is a breath of fresh air to someone who wants to be assured that there is life after letting go of job "security".

My twins proved that I can be blessed to love more!

Nowadays, there are more mothers needing to work because having a single income won't be enough to fill in all the expenses of the family.  History shows that divorce rate went up when women started working during the war and plunged down when the men went back home.  But, steadily moved up when women started working again and have to leave the children. Divorce affects families and the kids are the victims.

When moms are not with the children during their growing years, kids are not protected by the world.  They are like little birds without a mother in their nest. They learn to lead lives based on situations or what other people, peers, and the media would show them. They are independently away from the family. They tend to become busy themselves which they see from their parents. Parents fight or get into conflict out of fatigue and burnout of work and the kids see that it is okay to be mad and hurtful when someone is tired.

Mom's are guardians of her children's values.  The father may be out for work, but mother's are there for the children.

I am not pertaining to single mom's who cannot leave her job for her children. Some are wonderful and hardworking. Becoming both a father and a mother at the same time is not a simple job to do.

But, mom's who have more time for their 8+-hour job, have more coffee break, lunch and after-work conversations with her colleagues than her children or a mother of  a toddler left in the care of a nanny who hurts her child without even knowing it or her 10 year old who secretly hides that he is being bullied because he feels that he has to stand up for himself is something I feel so sad about.

We cannot leave our children in the wild if we are not there to show them how. I was watching a show how a family of Dingo (a wild dog that is native to Australia) and saw how the parents protect their young from an eagle who preys on little Dingos.  When the pups were little, they let them out during the day, hunts for them, feeds them. When night falls, they carry each one back inside their den. When the Dingos grew and were weaned out from the mom's milk, they were still there together with the parents but the parents are less weary now of the eagle knowing naturally that the Dingos can defend their own.  The eagle eventually, stopped stalking on them.  But, even this time, the dad was teaching them dominance and hunting instincts. As they grow to a little bit of an adult dingo, they moved out and started their own adventure without their parents.  Sounds unfamiliar now, right? Now, bullied kids are told by their parents to learn how to fend themselves without even showing them how.  They don't have anyone to look up to, so they find it on their own alone.

She can trust that mommy will be there to catch her

It was a big decision for me to decide to become a full-time mom. I worked in a 8+-hour job while my eldest was growing but I feel just blessed because my husband maintains a business that he can work at home and look after our son.  Leaving our children to a family member is a lot better than leaving them with a stranger.  But, we have to be aware also that we have to leave the disciplining to the family member when we, parent's are away.  We must also be aware, that the position of the husband (and even the mother) in disciplining tend to become less when the sharing of the disciplining is extended to other family members.  This starts conflict between marriages because the spouse would not always agree with the in-laws way in dealing with his own children and yet having to balance respect and conflict between them. So, the child disrespects his own parents and yet listens very well to grandma. Parents are tired and just ignore their child's attitude as they don't have the energy to deal with it.  When weekend comes, the family goes out without the grandparents, the child gets excited and throws a tanrtum. Finally, they come home feeling more tired than when they went home from work. So the mom concludes, I cannot be a full time mom.  I love my career and having to stay with my child 24/7 is definitely, not my thing.

It may not be financially fulfilling but money can never buy time - your child's time.

I cannot blame you, I felt that way. The more time you give to anything to whom you love the more it gives back to you. If you give more time to your work, the more you are rewarded - the more time you need to be in the office, the less time you will know your child.  But, the more you give to your child, the more you know his wants and dislikes, what works and what doesn't.  It is so funny, but I laugh now at the thought that my mom gets more tired of seeing me juggle 3 kids when I was just breezing through it.  I cannot blame her, she worked in an office till I was 13 and works-at-home till now. That is why, she has more fun enjoying her grandchildren.

Juggling 2 on both hands

I stand in a position that mothers are supposed to be the pillars of her children's values.  She should see her child grow not through pictures on her social media accounts or a baby picture on her office desk then suddenly realizes how big her little son has grown to be.  It would be nice that mothers know how to handle when her child is about to start a fit and can manage it right away.  Mothers should teach manners and independence in a loving way. She can withstand her children's annoying mess, spills to clean, cries and screams. After everything has been said and done of childhood, she finally lets him go. Being secured that she has brought up a person after God's own heart.

There is no wasted time to a full-time mom. She never feels like her kids are "just suddenly" growing so fast.  She is their witness of her children's life.  Opportunities open up to her like crazy doing a business she loves and the children gets to see meet people because of it and are more confident and well-mannered. She starts life at 4:30am and ends on time.

We are all tired, but the difference is how accomplished do you feel with your family and your time.

When I was once in my 8+ hours full time job I got this thought that made me decide to jump: I feel accomplished having to launch a really big project at work, we get a reward for the overtime work done. Rewarded with bonuses and promotions (sometimes, none). Although, during those times, my child got sick and I couldn't be there.  The guilt and the worry was more than doubled than when I can be with my child. That project was all gone and replaced, but what I still have now and forever will be my child and the rewards are tremendous. That wasn't a hard choice for me since then.

Live simply and you will never have to want anything more than what you need.

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If you are in a situation where it is in your heart to be a full-time mom but having to let go of your job will cause your family a big financial distress, then pray and let God direct your days to freedom.

On the other hand, if you are a full-time mom and the need to go back to full-time job is a necessity and not an escape from the chaos of home, then by all means - go! You will be wiser in dealing with your time and you know that family is priority.

On a different note, a full-time mom doesn't have to look sloppy and ugly.  Just because no one is going to see you, doesn't give you a license to turn into a hag-looking mother that smells like onions. Dress great, put on make-up, wear good shoes. Be beautiful inside and out.

Share your thoughts, can you relate with being a full-time mom or being a mom in a full-time job?