There is no such thing as a perfect child. But in the eyes of a mother, her kids are perfect! I have been a mom for just 6 years, and through those years, months, weeks, hours and every minute of it is spent learning and perfecting (in hopes that I may be) a perfect mom to my children.
These things I always keep in mind. To keep me sane and not stressed (or beaten up) about how to strive the course of parenting 3 kids with different personalities, likes and dislikes. So, I've listed this down and I know that as we move along to more adventures of parenting, this list will go on and on.
But, mind you... I am still a work in progress. Still learning and experiencing these days of parenting my children.
1)
Respect your child.
Adults teach our kids to respect the elderly. But, we often forget that children and even newborn babies are to be respected as well. When we are tired and stressed, we do vent a lot of times too. But, when children throws a fit or when week old babies can't seem to be consoled, we tell them they are hard to handle.
I don't like it when an adult immitate a child's baby talking (especially when a child would cry). It's disrespectful, and children feel that as well. Babies can understand, they are smart and can easily absorb values even as young as they are. If we respect them, they will know that they can rely on us and not hurt or embarass them.
2)
There's nothing wrong for parents to say sorry to their kids, and really mean it.
When my twins were a few months old, and my son was only 5. I had the most challenging, juggling days of being a mom. That is, apologizing to my child. One day, my son asked me to read him a book while I was very busily attending the twins. He kept on insisting and started to jump on the bed to grab my attention. I started to become angry and have raised my voice angrily at him saying "Ice! I do not want you in this room! Go out! Now!". I never wanted to say that, our room is his also. I hated myself for saying it, but it is too late. My son went out, sad and scared of me. I know how he felt and we both felt bad.
I started to relax and finished off with the twins. I have never said sorry to my son ever before for there was not one instance that I need to, except for this. His sad face was left on my mind, I know I have to tell him how really, really sorry I am. Not just a usual sorry but a real, genuine apology.
I went out to meet him. It feels awkward at first for I feel I don't need to because - I'm the mom. But, a proud heart is not what I want to teach him. He's my son, and if there's anything more important to me then it is his feelings, it is himself. I want to instill that apologies are taken seriously, no matter how old or young, how right or wrong one is.
Then, I called him in the room, to be alone with me. Told him, "Anak (Child), Mommy is very, very, very sorry. I shouldn't have said that. That is wrong of me to say it. I know you feel so sad about what I said and I'm very sorry. Mommy, makes mistakes too and I'm sorry." I can see it in his eyes, he was in awe. He cried on my shoulders and we both hugged. That defined me as being a friend to my son and not just a son.
3)
If you're happy and you know it, laugh and be silly with them!
If there's a real stress-reliever in the world aside from seeing babies after a hard day's work. That would be a laugh escapade with kids. I believe that laughter is the best medicine, and with kids!? Wow!
Watching a funny show together with my kids, is a great stress-reliever. Don't be scared to act and look silly in front of them. Don't contain your laughter, let it all out! Laugh as if it's your last. It is a treasure to keep for the rest of your lives. I am not ashamed to be the funniest person in the world for my kids.
4)
Rules are rules, but don't be too stiff - be flexible as well.
As a rule, rules are made to be broken. Even how much you want them to adhere to them, they will eventually either be forgotten or broken. Now, don't get too stiff when this happens. You must also weigh it down, be wise in being flexible as well. But, not to a point that they can bend every rule you make.
5)
If the king says it, the queen can only negotiate but never tolerate.
In a household where there are 2 heads over the children (Mom and Dad). Husband and I have made it a point that even if neither of us do not seem to agree how we handled a situation with our kids, we can never change what each have said in front of the kids.
Sure, not all the time we are both okay with each of our parenting styles but we have come up with an agreement that no one can bend it in front of the children. So even after everything's been said and done... we keep our conversations about what should have, could have and would have been a better approach to the situation. There, we learn to negotiate but never in front of the kids so they know that mom and dad are in this together.
6)
Each child is unique - so don't critique.
I've personally handled my kids since birth (and thank God for great Nannies to assist). With kids, you can already see their unique differences, even if they are twins. Handling them differently but with the same love but different in approach.
People might wonder If I have a favorite child. I would say, I don't. My kids are like different kinds of spices, they add flavor in my dish. Each different and unique but gives out the flavor to complement the entire family.
7)
Teach them to love learning and they will forever be enticed by it.
There was a study that said,
"The greater number of books a child is read to before he reach Kindergarten reflects the amount of success when he is older."
I believe that there are many ways a child can love learning, but books are full of it. The internet is also full of good resources. But for my family, books are treasures. A book a day, even before sleeping is a great thing to practice. Up until now, my son would automatically get 2-3 of his books before we go to sleep and would ask me to read them aloud to him.
8)
Never pressure a child to do something, influence them!
Pressure is different than following. Pressure is when you keep on insisting but then ends up acting like an obnoxious parent. Which you hated your parents doing to you as well. But, if you influence them and explain to them in their own language (don't give them deep examples) why things should be done. Then, they would figure it out themselves why it is important and why they are needed to be done.
9)
Never embarass them even how embarassing you look like in public.
It is not about you. It is about a kid, having a tantrum because he's sleepy and tired of your unscheduled shopping. I do feel, that if you respect a child, he will respect you as well. Don't say that he is just a kid. No, he is a human being, with feelings and emotions like yourself.
Spanking them in public feels like being scolded in front of everybody, when you were younger by your for accusing you of something you did not do.
I feel so bad when parents instantly spank their child in public for throwing a tantrum. I've learned this from a mom who is also a mom that hands are for loving and not for hurting. That is why some kids who have always been spanked as a kid, feels awkward when they are hugged by their parents.
So, before planning a day out, teach a child what he should be expecting. Where you are going, what are the things you will all do (even if shopping for moms' shoes), and if he's allowed to buy a toy, and how you expect him to behave. Finally... stick to the plan and if something changed unexpectedly, don't expect to get a very good okay and don't get mad either at him but listen to what he is saying. Talk to him nicely and follow his queue.
Newborn babies can understand changes as well. Talk to them, and always stay on schedule. If they start to be fussy when you're out, it simply means he doesn't like what is happening.
One crucial thing to remember as well is to enforce (yes! enforce) your parent's and in-laws to NEVER, EVER mitigate in your disciplining. Husband's MUST enforce this with their own parent's (they usually forget), and wives to her own. Wives, to instruct their parents not to mitigate if your husband will also be disciplining his children in front of them. Do find a separate room and talk it out with your kid - it's a TIME OUT!
I am blessed with my parents who respects me on this. Even how much they would want to try to baby my kid (especially, when we're in their house) they try hard as they could never to mitigate.
10)
Speak to them in the language of love.
It all sums up to this, love. How my Father in heaven loved me by giving me His best is the best love language of all. I speak life over my children because, I know my Lord have great plans for them. To worry about their future is not love, it becomes selfish. It is denying of the fact of the promise of God in my children's life. For I know that if Christ loves me, then everything that I would do to my children is a reflection of His love.
When they grow up they will never depart from it, we can only direct them but it is the Lord who will build their success.
Oh how exciting and wonderful for them to experience this.
